5:45 am - My alarm goes off and is promptly snoozed, Fatcat takes this as a sign that I need some presto molesto and promptly proceeds to stomp on my bladder as if I will pee out grape juice ready for fermenting afterwards.
5:53 am - Alarm is snoozed again, husband is still oblivious and now Ninjacat has been disturbed by my repeated attempts to thwart Fatcat and so he decides to evacuate the bedroom. His swift exit prompts the Beast to wake up from a sound sleep and chase after him, only to return to his spot in the bedroom and fall back asleep (not without sticking his wet nose in my face first of course)
6:02 am - Alarm goes off again, and even though I am supposed to get up, the animals have all settled down and no one is bothering me so I decide I will just rest my eyes for 2 minutes and then get up.
6:13 am - Crap! That was NOT two minutes! I leap out of bed (okay so I rapidly stagger out of bed) and head to the shower, and almost accidentally decapitate Ninjacat as he runs in after me. Now begins the carefully orchestrated morning routine designed to maximize sleep time while still calculating in my lengthy shower.
6:37 am - Out of shower, head kisses for Ninjacat and then let in wailing Fatcat so they can both jump in the tub and start licking up the water.
6:41 am - I hear yelling from the bedroom: "you are not my wife! YOU ARE NOT MY WIFE!" and run in (concerned as to what random woman has tried to climb into bed during my absence) only to find my sleeping husband mumbling to himself while the Beast runs off in fear that I might have seen his stealth attempt to snuggle up on the bed (which is NOT allowed!). Fully conscious debrief later that day revealed that the Beast had army crawled onto the bed to spoon with Mr. B until his furry coat was discovered to be inconsistent with my (non-furry) self.
6:43 am - Now dressed for clinic, with hair still dripping wet, I attempt to coax the Beast from his apparently deep slumber (despite his escapades minutes prior) to come outside and empty his bladder. He pretends to be in a deep coma, arousable only by picking him up and hoisting him into a standing position.
6:47 am - Now that the dog has peed on a suitably smelling tree and I have pried the unidentifiable, drool-soaked object from his jaws, we run back inside so I can eat some breakfast before dashing off.
6:55 am - While eating my cereal and warding off Fatcat from jumping on my lap and covering my pants in his fur, I check my email on my ipod to make sure that no tenants have had any dire crises overnight that they chose to communicate via email and/or school has not announced a mandatory mental health day for all 4th year medical students (it will happen someday, I know it will!).
6:57 am - I realize that if I don't hurry up I will miss my bus, so I move to the kitchen and start making a peanut butter sandwich while finishing my cereal. The Beast is now fully awake and he tries to convince Fatcat that the game of "bite the kitty tail" is a wonderful way to start the morning.
7:02 am - I am now attempting to multitask while brushing my teeth and throwing the rest of my needed items into my bag: sandwich - check, ipod - check, dermatology text book (to not read on bus so as to not gross out fellow bus passengers with frightening skin disorders) - check, novel (for reading on the bus on the way home, on the way to the hospital I sleep) - check.
7:05 am - I should be leaving for my bus right now but I need to say good bye to the husband, so I sneak into the bedroom (much to the animals' dismay) and wake him up for a good bye kiss. He has no idea what is going on and mumbles something unintelligible but still manages the kiss part.
7:06 am - Bedroom door is left open so that the Beast can give Mr. B his own version of a good morning kiss (wet nose attack!) and then I am off and running down the stairs to the bus.
7:07 am - Thank goodness the bus was late again! I have settled into my perfected sitting up nap (while avoiding drooling on my seat mate) for the 15 minute bus ride to my transfer point to another bus. I am off for another fun filled day of "I itch all over" and "what's this funny spot?"
And that is how I start off my mornings!
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